Growth
There were many years I didn’t pursue music because I didn’t want to fail at it. There were already an abundance of people doing it better than me. I was starting at 0 when everyone else was miles ahead of me. What chance at making any ripple did I have? It wasn’t until the passing of my mother in 2019 that I knew my why. It gave me the fuel, and the determination to start running. The truth of the matter is that we are not racing others. We are on our own journey and there is no better one to be on.
So I ran, and what a start! The last 4 years have been amazing to say the least. I conquered so many fears, met some awesome people and killer performers, and did so many things that once upon a time I convinced myself I could never do. I grew as a person, and as a performer. I (for the most part) stopped watching other people and started paying attention to my own lane. I think that this will be a lifelong lesson. Social media, competition shows, magazines, TV, and life in general has us comparing and contrasting and judging ourselves and others. It’s an epidemic.
I had this thing in my mind that if I wasn’t sought after and praised then I wasn’t worth anything. What a crock of chick peas. I used to think that if I didn’t get applause after songs I must suck.. again.. a crock of crap. Yes, acknowledgment is a wonderful thing and makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over but it doesn’t determine worth as a performer. I recently ended a show and as I was packing up my car I heard an amazing local performer singing, killing it from across the parking lot. Song after song the rowdy crowd chattered over the music, they were having a great time, and at the end of each song, the chatter resumed. No applause. Just the empty space between songs. This happens, and it’s part of restaurant shows. The music is setting the tone, putting the patrons in a great mood and they forget to clap. That’s my best guess. There is something magical about an engaged crowd that sends me over the moon. My performance does change for the better when people are involved. It’s always better with applause, but learning to not let it determine your worth is a skill. One I’m still working on.
Back to the original topic about growth. I recently received my Spotify Wrapped summary. I won’t lie. It’s always a gut punch. This is my 2nd or 3rd one. “Compared to” other musicians wrapped, my stats are low, and in my opinion, embarrassing. However, one thing caught my attention. I had a 10% increase from last year. That’s something! That’s progress, and it’s worth celebrating. Last year I drove to Nashville and spent a few days in a rental just 20 minutes from downtown with my Aunt Karen. I recorded 4 originals with an amazing group of musicians. It was a HUGE year for me. That 10% stat can’t begin to reflect the progress I encountered.
I am like-minded with a lot of musicians who think streaming services should increase their payout to the musicians making the music. There are other ways to help a musician though. Downloading their songs (you can purchase mine on my website for .99 cents a song), or by buying them outright at a show in the form of a CD, if available, sharing their music page or their music directly, or their socials. These are all things that help musicians greatly. Showing up to a show is the highest form of love for a musician. All they want to do is sing for you. I must get back to the point of this babbling once again.
Growth. Wait, I was still on point. We shall continue… About 4 months ago, I decided to try my hand at growing a garden, again. My previous attempts were poor at best. The height of my growing success being a harvest of a ton of sweet potatoes. So many sweet potatoes. In conclusion, I probably should be banned from growing things or buying things that need water to live. I don’t mean to suck at growing things, it just comes naturally. My Aunt Mary could grow anything, and the good Lord knows she tried to teach me. However, not much stuck in that department. The cooking lessons she gave me are a different story.
I once again tried my hand at it. So far it’s been a lot better than history convinced me it would be. Since August, I have harvested about 5 cucumbers, a few radishes, some goji berries, and my tomatoes are beginning to ripen. It was a late garden started on a whim, but I still have herbs, a dragon fruit that I haven’t killed yet, some garlic and ginger and I just started planting some winter crops. Things are going well. The point is keep going. Keep trying. Take a few steps back and then try again. Who knows, life might take on a new and unforeseen direction. I may absolutely rock at growing a winter garden. But I did get something out of my summer garden. I did about 10% better. I beat my own score. I learned something and had a lot of fun doing it. So who cares if 99% of people have a bigger better garden. I can appreciate that and keep working on my own plot.