Inspiration. When I think about inspiration, I think about Mariah Carey, and I travel all the way back to my childhood on a small front porch in Woodhaven, Michigan. I had a Casio boom box and cassette tape just waiting for Mariah to come on the radio. As soon as I heard those first few notes, I would smash that record button down as fast as I could, hoping to get the whole song on tape. I would play back her songs, over, and over again.
What a voice! I knew every beat. I imitated every long drawn out syllable, every lofty run. Eventually my family purchased our first home computer, and Mariah was able to inspire me in new ways. I would wait patiently for my allotted time, and then search for images of her. I found lyrics to all of her songs and committed them to memory. Mariah opened the door, but many other artists from across several genres would inspire me. They had gifts that struck me at my core. Their music moved me emotionally.
I studied them all. How did they do what they did? One thing was clear to me. I wanted to sing. But I had a big problem. It wasn’t my voice. I wasn’t trained, but I could sing. It was in my genes. My mom sang, and she encouraged me to showcase the gift God had given me. My problem was that fear, anxiety, and self-doubt crippled me. Performance opportunities became panic attacks. Eventually I masked the pain and fear behind an indifferent attitude of “why bother, who cares.” But I did care. I had a voice, and I also had a dream to share it with others.
Maybe you have a dream too, maybe like me you are scared. Maybe you’ve let fear hold you back. But maybe you know, deep down, just like I did, that the gift and desire that God placed in your heart isn’t going to go away. It’s hard to admit, but it took the passing of my mom to get me past my fear and share my voice with the world. I may not be Mariah, but I know I’m making my mom proud every time I pick up the microphone whether it’s for five people or five hundred.
A friend and I were talking about grief the other day. I told her “There aren’t enough ‘Please God, just one more’ days to fill the void of a loved one’s absence, once they leave.” Our time on earth is short. Let’s not spend any more of them held back in fear. It’s a beautiful thing to stand where fear once said, “you aren’t good enough to be here” and declare instead “I am worthy!” You see, Mariah may have been my inspiration, but I’m not Mariah, and I never have to be. Because I’m Charity. I’m singing from my heart. Cheers to all you dreamers. Keep fighting against the fears that hold captive your dreams.